In which I score another victory for international relations.
I feel sure the Germans must have a word for the impulse that forces you to do, in mortifying fashion, the very opposite of what you meant to do, a propensity proportional to the amount of time you spent reminding yourself not to do it. I can't be the only one?
Last week at my totally hypothetical job, one of my purely theoretical co-workers alerted me to an intern I hadn't noticed before, and told me that she'd had a surprising and alarming conversation with him about his support of the Islamist government of his native country. It's not a country our interns usually come from, and I was intrigued, and so next time I went to the ladies' room I thought I'd get a load of him as he sat in his cube. And of course he picked that second to look up and meet me eye to eye as I gawped openly, and there was nothing for me to do but smile insincerely and feel ashamed by what he must have thought: the old lady was cruising him.
I felt like the female version of an alter kocker, whatever that might be -- think Kathleen Turner, the pillowy version, as the Wife of Bath. And not in a good way.
So today he was standing at the sink, and I went to put my frittata in the microwave but then, as soon as I punched in my coordinates, realized he had something on a paper plate that he had likely been getting ready to heat up before I jumped in line, and I was trying to process this information when he went to reach just inches in front of me, going for a paper napkin, and I blurted, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Him: "I just want a napkin."
Me: "Oh! I thought you were getting ready to put something in the microwave! And I just jumped in front of you! That's so rude of me! But now I see all you have on that plate is a kitchen sponge! HA HA! And I thought it was your breakfast."
Him: "..."
Me: "But it so obviously not. HA! 'Cause it's a kitchen sponge."
[Beat.]
Him: "Enjoy your meal."
Yeah. Enjoy my meal. I might as well have said, "The very smell of you makes me giddy!"
But it doesn't! Really! Blame it on the Offnungfreiheit.
Last week at my totally hypothetical job, one of my purely theoretical co-workers alerted me to an intern I hadn't noticed before, and told me that she'd had a surprising and alarming conversation with him about his support of the Islamist government of his native country. It's not a country our interns usually come from, and I was intrigued, and so next time I went to the ladies' room I thought I'd get a load of him as he sat in his cube. And of course he picked that second to look up and meet me eye to eye as I gawped openly, and there was nothing for me to do but smile insincerely and feel ashamed by what he must have thought: the old lady was cruising him.
I felt like the female version of an alter kocker, whatever that might be -- think Kathleen Turner, the pillowy version, as the Wife of Bath. And not in a good way.
So today he was standing at the sink, and I went to put my frittata in the microwave but then, as soon as I punched in my coordinates, realized he had something on a paper plate that he had likely been getting ready to heat up before I jumped in line, and I was trying to process this information when he went to reach just inches in front of me, going for a paper napkin, and I blurted, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Him: "I just want a napkin."
Me: "Oh! I thought you were getting ready to put something in the microwave! And I just jumped in front of you! That's so rude of me! But now I see all you have on that plate is a kitchen sponge! HA HA! And I thought it was your breakfast."
Him: "..."
Me: "But it so obviously not. HA! 'Cause it's a kitchen sponge."
[Beat.]
Him: "Enjoy your meal."
Yeah. Enjoy my meal. I might as well have said, "The very smell of you makes me giddy!"
But it doesn't! Really! Blame it on the Offnungfreiheit.
posted by frostine | 1:15 PM
2 Comments:
That's good....but probably if you were cruising him you would have been better at it....right?
The sad thing is, if I *had* been cruising him, the episode would probably have gone about the same.
The funny thing is, I passed by him today and he stumbled sideways into a magazine rack.
Maybe we were Meant To Be Together.
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